Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Minimal Bear: Maximum Adventure


I got a special one for you today! We got a guest blogger! This is Chris Ellefson (AKA Mini Bear). He is the lovely gent I built my show bike for. His story is fantastic and I suggest you take the time to read it. Enjoy.

Minimal Bear: Maximum Adventure

After the excitement of getting my new whip from Aaron after the NAMBLA show, I suggested a little race for all the bros to do this year. After absolutely no goading at all, the ‘Stinner Frameworks’ super-pro (expert) team was born for the 24 Hours of Moab.

But, what does one do to get in shape for a 24-hour race after not riding for the last six months? Why, sign up for multiple absurdly long endurance ‘races’! I’m lucky enough here in Colorado to have the awesome Colorado Endurance Series, which is basically a bunch of people signing up for various impromptu endurance rides where the entrants pay nothing, the winner gets nothing, and there is little to no support. Perfect.

The first of these events was the South Park Dirty Fondo. I’ll get the formal details out of the way here first:

Distance: ~152 miles
Elevation Gain: ~11,000 feet
Average Elevation: ~8500 feet
Time: ~15.5 hours

I would grace you with fancy route profiles, calories burned, time spent riding and stopped (lost), average speed, watts/kilogram, teddy bears, number of pot holes run over, exact number of truck nuts spotted, but as it was, I don’t have any of that because technology failed.

The promoter was awesome enough to create a route for GPS devices. But it turns out that GPS devices don’t like being stored outside for a year or so, then charged and asked to route me through the middle of nowhere for 15 hours. That left me with the view from space of a 150-mile course and my very poorly written cue sheet. My adventure just got more adventur-y…

The day started with an affirmation that I am a poor climber. Also, a poor navigator. My first wrong turn came about 5 miles into the ride. This put me in solitary, which was actually ok. I’ve done some long, lonely rides before, but this was definitely the longest.

It’s pretty interesting to find out what your body can do when it’s working for this long. You get really in tune with exactly how every cell in the body is doing. Turns out my legs are down for 15 hours. My guts on the other hand really hate the idea. But, fuck you guts.

Anyway, here is a rundown of nothing in particular about the ride:

-       Don’t choose a breakfast pastry that is the exact flavor of half your energy bars
-       HOA’s exist absolutely everywhere
-       Olde-tymie/whimsical road names seem terribly misplaced when it’s a row of double-wides
-       Aspen trees make a gentle breeze sound like a hurricane
-       Your brakes are always rubbing going uphill. So is your tire and your bottom bracket and your front derailleur…
-       Trespassing makes you fast
-       Baby farm animals always look like they need a good snuggle
-       Beavers like to fuck up any chance at filter-able water
-       A car approaching on dirt roads sounds like a drag car
-       Pretty waitresses in mountain towns are wonderful
-       My dream is to live at the junction of County Roads 88 and 2
-       Cows love being told to ‘Get it girls!’ Love it. Run you over kind of love it.
-       It’s really fun to ride at night
-       It’s really not fun to navigate at night
-       More chamois cream, coffee, water, and food is always in order

But, wait a minute, you came here for a bit about Stinner bikes right? Well, here it is: the best thing that can be said of my bike is that I have nothing to say about it. In 15+ hours of riding, I didn’t think about it once. I didn’t think about trying to keep overinflated tires planted on 15 percent gravel climbs. I didn’t think about keeping speed wobble at bay on a 45 mph descent in the rain, in a speed tuck while half asleep after 115 miles and 12 hours. I didn’t think about staying smooth over the speed bumps that populate every mile of dirt road in the world. I didn’t think about anything to do with the bike.

So, there you have it. A random ride report for a very fun, very long ride. I’ll either be wicked fast or completely broken come October.

In the spirit of Aaron’s blog, here is a song to send you away. Best CX racing song ever. Seriously, when your legs can’t take it, sing the chorus. Don’t get too psychoanalytical about it. 

1 comment:

  1. Thank. It makes me feel great when I read all these stories. It helps me from hopelessness and make me more stronger to fly… thank… for everything.

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