I got a special one for you today! We got a guest blogger! This is Chris Ellefson (AKA Mini Bear). He is the lovely gent I built my show bike for. His story is fantastic and I suggest you take the time to read it. Enjoy.
Minimal Bear: Maximum Adventure
After the excitement of getting my new whip from Aaron after
the NAMBLA show, I suggested
a little race for all the bros to do this year. After absolutely no goading at
all, the ‘Stinner Frameworks’ super-pro (expert) team was born for the 24
Hours of Moab.
But, what does one do to get in shape for a 24-hour race
after not riding for the last six months? Why, sign up for multiple absurdly
long endurance ‘races’! I’m lucky enough here in Colorado to have the awesome Colorado Endurance Series, which is
basically a bunch of people signing up for various impromptu endurance rides
where the entrants pay nothing, the winner gets nothing, and there is little to
no support. Perfect.
The first of these events was the South Park
Dirty Fondo. I’ll get the formal details out of the way here first:
Distance: ~152 miles
Elevation Gain: ~11,000 feet
Average Elevation: ~8500 feet
Time: ~15.5 hours
I would grace you with fancy route profiles, calories
burned, time spent riding and stopped (lost), average speed, watts/kilogram,
teddy bears, number of pot holes run over, exact number of truck nuts spotted,
but as it was, I don’t have any of that because technology failed.
The promoter was awesome enough to create a route for GPS
devices. But it turns out that GPS devices don’t like being stored outside for
a year or so, then charged and asked to route me through the middle of nowhere
for 15 hours. That left me with the view from space of a 150-mile course and my
very poorly written cue sheet. My adventure just got more adventur-y…
The day started with an affirmation that I am a poor
climber. Also, a poor navigator. My first wrong turn came about 5 miles into
the ride. This put me in solitary, which was actually ok. I’ve done some long,
lonely rides before, but this was definitely the longest.
It’s pretty interesting to find out what your body can do
when it’s working for this long. You get really in tune with exactly how every
cell in the body is doing. Turns out my legs are down for 15 hours. My guts on
the other hand really hate the idea. But, fuck you guts.
Anyway, here is a rundown of nothing in particular about the
ride:
- Don’t
choose a breakfast pastry that is the exact flavor of half your energy bars
- HOA’s
exist absolutely everywhere
- Olde-tymie/whimsical
road names seem terribly misplaced when it’s a row of double-wides
- Aspen
trees make a gentle breeze sound like a hurricane
- Your
brakes are always rubbing going uphill. So is your tire and your bottom bracket
and your front derailleur…
- Trespassing
makes you fast
- Baby
farm animals always look like they need a good snuggle
- Beavers
like to fuck up any chance at filter-able water
- A
car approaching on dirt roads sounds like a drag car
- Pretty
waitresses in mountain towns are wonderful
- My
dream is to live at the junction of County Roads 88 and 2
- Cows
love being told to ‘Get it girls!’ Love it. Run you over kind of love it.
- It’s
really fun to ride at night
- It’s
really not fun to navigate at night
- More
chamois cream, coffee, water, and food is always in order
But, wait a minute, you came here for a bit about Stinner
bikes right? Well, here it is: the best thing that can be said of my bike is
that I have nothing to say about it. In 15+ hours of riding, I didn’t think
about it once. I didn’t think about trying to keep overinflated tires planted
on 15 percent gravel climbs. I didn’t think about keeping speed wobble at bay
on a 45 mph descent in the rain, in a speed tuck while half asleep after 115
miles and 12 hours. I didn’t think about staying smooth over the speed bumps
that populate every mile of dirt road in the world. I didn’t think about
anything to do with the bike.
So, there you have it. A random ride report for a very fun,
very long ride. I’ll either be wicked fast or completely broken come October.
In the spirit of Aaron’s blog, here is a song to send you away.
Best CX racing song ever. Seriously, when your legs can’t take it, sing the
chorus. Don’t get too psychoanalytical about it.
Thank. It makes me feel great when I read all these stories. It helps me from hopelessness and make me more stronger to fly… thank… for everything.
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